Whatever is it?

Be it love, loneliness, lack of spirit or passion; something is keeping me from sleep tonight.

I am uneasy about this weekend. Will the van work? I fret about the coming weeks. Are classes and work going to be too much for me to manage? I think about my distant future as well. Everyday I wonder if I am really doing the best I can. I question my motives. I am paranoid.

I sometimes think that if I could just find something to be passionate about (other than paid work), all of my worries will subside.

Denying humanity is not an option.

What is Ideal is nevermore real.

Time is ticking...

Worry
must
stop
now

Enough for me?

Your honest inquiry urges me to answer:

Who I am,

Why I am,

How to be.


If I am

all that I

should be.


Let who

You are-

Be enough

for me.

"Hello, ello, ello...is anybody out there?"

So, I've moved in to the anticipated metro apartment, I've got most of my material belongings neatly tucked away in the spacious walk-in closet, I'm typing tonight via the trendy little internet cafe near my apartment. Life is good, but I still have my uncertainties.

I trust that this is where I am supposed to be and what I am meant to do, still I make time to dream of what life would be like if I took more chances. For starters, it'd be nice if I could have joined my amigas who are currently journeying westward on a road trip. Now THAT's life!

So that I am not misunderstood I should share that these next two years are sure to offer up plenty of opportunities to live, grow, and otherwise thrive. However, right now I am in waiting. Not for long though, because tomorrow brings my first day of work with this organization.

Bum-bum-bum, bum-bumblebee hallow!

Senior coffeehouse, very entertaining. I was delightfully surprised at the true talent of some of my peers. The original compositions, dance moves, improv acts, and tributes to mother highlighted the unique creative abilities that sometimes I miss in my own friends and neighbors. I thank God for the beauty of his kingdom, and I thank God for the chance to (every now and then) become blessed with a similar creative spark.

That reminds me, I haven't been sketching or writing often enough. It's part of me that I've missed and intend to cultivate again, lest I lose all ability.

Release the brakes!

Today I did something I never guessed I would in a million years. That's right, I saddled up a horse (or kart if you will) with no engine and no real safety features (besides brakes) to ride down a stretch of bumpy road. Might I add that it was also raining. This is quite the atypical activity for me, because I'll admit I rarely throw caution to the wind. Today, my friends, is a new day.

While I cannot yet say that this is a newfound joy of mine (give me a break I'm a wimp), I should say that there is one very important factor in my decision to 'throw caution to the wind' this time. He is my friend and my love. I don't know if I'd do such a thing for someone I didn't love (especially the part where I woke up at 5am). I should also say that he's a present source of inspiration: to get up in the morning, to keep working towards my goals, and to take time to enjoy life. So, today we did just that. I don't regret making the trip, but I do wish I'd let off the brakes a bit more.

Oh well, maybe next time?!?

;)

"Gather ye rose-buds while ye may..."

Yesterday I was a girl
Blonde and blue, tried and true
I walked hand in hand with my mother
Towards the uncertainty of
Today I am a lady
Yet blonde and blue, donning hope
Cantering amongst the others in this menagerie
Between the reality of today
And what is to be
Tomorrow we shall rise
Grey and weathered, looking backward
Indulged in memories of days past
Soon with my Father
For eternity

We would like to offer you the position...[I am delighted!]

What a relief to hear these words. I can now consider myself employed for the next two years at least. I am blessed to be secure in the capacity that I will have a place to live, people to love, and still many lessons to learn.

However, I remain in a state of disbelief. The progression of events from the CVC Career Fair, where I first learned of such a unique opportunity, to just yesterday morning when I accepted the offer to work for Target Community & Educational Services, Inc. seems to have happened so swiftly.

I remember just a few months ago worrying about the future. I prayed and shared my doubts and anxieties with family and friends. I remember having a conversation with God on one of my walks home from class. He spoke to me, not so much in these words but, telling me specifically that the next six months were going to be challenging but He would be with me to guide and comfort. This was in November, around the time of the election hype. Now, about six months later, I see the truth in that moment of illumination.

Psalm 37:4,7
Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass ... Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him.