Life is 5% what happens and 95% how we react

I plan all day, everyday. It's part of my job and it helps me feel prepared and eases anxiety. I used to hate planning, and I was horrible at following through with anything that wasn't a dire priority. I suppose my procrastination stifled personal feelings of monotony for a time, but at the end of the day I'd always feel guilty for not following through. In the past three weeks I have learned that If I believe what I am doing is for the good of others I tend to follow through. If it is for my own benefit (i.e. getting my hair trimmed) I'll put it off for months. Well, I am snipping off the proverbial frayed ends in my life. I need to find a balance between caring for others and myself simultaneously, because in the past ignoring either one or the other has only caused me trouble.

All this is not to say that I am some selfless, compassionate, angelic giver. I think I am probably selfishly motivated to help others because it makes me feel good. Regardless of the cause of my actions, it is the very choice to act that is crucial to survival. I am learning to speak up for myself and gaining confidence in my decision making.

Reading I Peter 2 reminded me that no matter what I do, if it is good in the eyes of the Father, He is pleased. I am going to excel. I am going to fail. People are going to love AND hate me. I am going to be judged, but God is THE only one who knows the desires of my heart. I pray that they remain pure.

Whatever is it?

Be it love, loneliness, lack of spirit or passion; something is keeping me from sleep tonight.

I am uneasy about this weekend. Will the van work? I fret about the coming weeks. Are classes and work going to be too much for me to manage? I think about my distant future as well. Everyday I wonder if I am really doing the best I can. I question my motives. I am paranoid.

I sometimes think that if I could just find something to be passionate about (other than paid work), all of my worries will subside.

Denying humanity is not an option.

What is Ideal is nevermore real.

Time is ticking...

Worry
must
stop
now

Enough for me?

Your honest inquiry urges me to answer:

Who I am,

Why I am,

How to be.


If I am

all that I

should be.


Let who

You are-

Be enough

for me.