At age ten I played a role the Schaefferstown Elementary school play 'Alice in Wonderland'. Iris. Just a small part, a pitiful one liner. I recall employing the most sardonic laughter a young girl could muster. My social nemesis claimed the lead role, which was only expected by any and all of my classmates. We had the same name, but that was about all we had in common. She had wealth, beauty, charisma. This Erin was not so fortunate. Growing up in a single parent/single bedroom apartment, I learned to find luxury in simplicity. A stout preteen with glasses and braces, I was often the subject of jokes on the school bus and in class. Concerning charisma... I was too caught up in passive-aggressive fantasies to find worth in friendships.
Finally, justice. I got to do the mocking. Sticking my nose in the air, my response to Alice was something like, "Puh-thetic"! I remember the applause I received from my teacher at my execution of that one word. How ironic that the term I would use to degrade my enemy would actually resemble the lens through which I often viewed myself.
When retrospecting I often view my life as a tragedy. Though, in the process of life it often helpful to combat pain with humor, so it may seem a comedy. Success and enlightenment occur when the two poetic elements(tragedy and comedy) are in balance.
By definition and Iris is a plant with sword-shaped leaves and erect stalks bearing bright-colored flowers composed of three petals and three drooping sepals. Such bold character, contrasting that of the young girl that ask to mimic its likeness. But I had to fake it. Today, I am more like the actual flower than I was as a fifth-grader. Through meaningful relationships with friends, family and God I find courage. What a relief to not have to pretend to fit into that uncomfortable blueish-purple cardboard cutout costume anymore. I was once an Iris...but nevermore.
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