But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

Patience(to endure, suffer)the quality or capacity of being patient; to endure something with calmness; the ability to willingly accept or tolerate delay or hardship. (The same root word led to the word 'passion', which is still used in its original sense of 'suffer' when describing the last week of Christ's life.) Its word-field includes long-suffering, forbearance, restraint, perseverance.

Galatians 5:22 defines patience for those who are filled with the spirit. I'm often overconfident in my 'patience performance'. But being in a long distance relationship has really begun to open my eyes to my own shortcomings in this area. It's been only two weeks since I have last seen him, yet I am quick to pine and complain. It's difficult for me to fathom what it might be like to physically lose a loved one to illness or some other form of tragedy.

The Greek term in Galatians 5:22 is (makrothumia) "long, distant in time or large-view + (thumos)passion, rage, the "emotions" of suffering, with a usual meaning of having an enduring/calm temper.

While I may appear to friends and acquaintances as placid in mind and action, in actuality, these days I am more solicitous than ever. There is no personal doubt that other factors(such as the fast approaching graduation date, career/grad school searching, and the current state of the nation) are contributing to this anxiety. My desire for not only myself, but for all Christians alike, is to trust the Lord.

Colossians 1:9-12
For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God,being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.

'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

Disease and suffering can bring families together, but they can also tear them apart. This is often the fortune/misfortune for those whose problems are largely the result of their own choices, especially if they have gone against what the family would condone. 

In the Bible, David's family was troubled by the choices he'd made. Psalms 38:11-12NIV reads, "My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds" my neighbors stay far away. Those who seek my life set their traps, those who would harm me talk of my ruin; all day they plot deception". David also struggled in his heart, "I am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart" states Psalms 38:8NIV. 

He also had difficulties expressing his true feelings with others, "I am like a deaf man, who cannot hear, like a mute, who cannot open his mouth; I have become like a man who does not hear, whose mouth can offer no reply" David says in Psalms 38:13-14. This is where I am at personally. I do not struggle with exactly the same afflictions as David, but similarly in my past I have made poor choices that deeply tarnished my relationship with certain family members. Even after attending family counseling there remains a distance. I have been abandoned, and I also have chosen to abandon others. 

As David did, I beg of the Lord, "do not rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your wrath. For your arrows have pierced me, and your hand has come down upon me...My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear...I wait for you, O LORD; you will answer, O Lord my God...I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin...O LORD, do not forsake me; be not far from me, O my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior" (Psalm 38NIV). 

This psalm restores my faith that God sees and hears me, even when my efforts are too weak to reach those I've harmed. There is hope in the Lord for both the suffering and those touched by the lives of the suffering. Because of God's grace, we can be victors rather than victims. 

(this post is in honor of NEDA week)

They'll Find a Way

Post-Industry post-haste
Bring it down with one fell swoop
Strip the town of dignity
"They'll find a way"

Erect malls without warrant
Sordid politicians take the reins
Pride and loyalty perplex
Those trends missed
this crowd

The 'haves'
Up on that hill
Snidey pride
Trust
them
'not'

"Head Over Feet"

I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it

You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience

You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long

I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

Once an Iris but Nevermore

At age ten I played a role the Schaefferstown Elementary school play 'Alice in Wonderland'. Iris. Just a small part, a pitiful one liner. I recall employing the most sardonic laughter a young girl could muster. My social nemesis claimed the lead role, which was only expected by any and all of my classmates. We had the same name, but that was about all we had in common. She had wealth, beauty, charisma. This Erin was not so fortunate. Growing up in a single parent/single bedroom apartment, I learned to find luxury in simplicity. A stout preteen with glasses and braces, I was often the subject of jokes on the school bus and in class. Concerning charisma... I was too caught up in passive-aggressive fantasies to find worth in friendships.

Finally, justice. I got to do the mocking. Sticking my nose in the air, my response to Alice was something like, "Puh-thetic"! I remember the applause I received from my teacher at my execution of that one word. How ironic that the term I would use to degrade my enemy would actually resemble the lens through which I often viewed myself.

When retrospecting I often view my life as a tragedy. Though, in the process of life it often helpful to combat pain with humor, so it may seem a comedy. Success and enlightenment occur when the two poetic elements(tragedy and comedy) are in balance.

By definition and Iris is a plant with sword-shaped leaves and erect stalks bearing bright-colored flowers composed of three petals and three drooping sepals. Such bold character, contrasting that of the young girl that ask to mimic its likeness. But I had to fake it. Today, I am more like the actual flower than I was as a fifth-grader. Through meaningful relationships with friends, family and God I find courage. What a relief to not have to pretend to fit into that uncomfortable blueish-purple cardboard cutout costume anymore. I was once an Iris...but nevermore.